What Comes Out of an ATM in Vegas, Stays in Vegas.
Like a lot of old folks, I’ve mentioned more than several times about how cheap things were when I was a kid. If I had a nickel for every time I’ve mentioned that candy bars used to cost a nickel, well I’d be sitting around the pool in Mandalay Bay. And I don’t mean the hotel.
So I’m not really sure why the prices of certain items seemed so outrageous in Vegas. Is it because, as Peachpit points out, I am indeed a fossil and whining about the high cost of everything is what fossils do? Or do the folks who run Vegas overcharge for most everything simply because they can? Perhaps it is a combination of the two, which I suppose is another way of saying, “How the hell should I know?”
Still, it seems like only a short time ago that I was a fresh-faced lad paying but twenty-five cents to go to the movies. OK, no it doesn’t—it actually seems like epochs ago. But even if this long ago era was a few decades back, to me the mere passage of time is not enough to justify some of prices I paid, or refused to pay, on my trip to Las Vegas.
Well, maybe it’s me and maybe it’s not. Why don’t you take the test, check out the answers and see what you think? It might very well change your plans for your next vacation. And remember, prices may vary.
1. How much is a pork chop at the fancy restaurant at the Forum in Caesar’s Palace?
2. At the pool bar at THE Hotel at Mandalay Bay, how much is a pina colada?
3. At the pool at THE Hotel at Mandalay Bay, how much does it cost to rent an innertube?
d. Nothing. They’re free.
4. At the pool at THE Hotel at Mandalay Bay, how much does it cost to rent a towel?
d. Nothing. They’re free.
5. At the pool at THE Hotel at Mandalay Bay, what percentage of time does the average woman spend fiddling with her bathing suit top?
6. At THE Hotel at Mandalay Bay, how much would it cost you to have room service deliver a dozen spicy hot wings to your room?
7. How much did I have to shell out to see fuckin’ Wayne Newton?
8. On average, how much per hour are the services of a hooker working the strip?
d. Now how would I know something like that?
9. How much was a twelve-ounce can of soda from the mini-bar?
10. What is the maximum amount you can bet on a single spin on the “Paris” penny slot machine?
1. $45. I’m sure the price of a pork chop varies greatly throughout Las Vegas, but this item on the menu caught my eye. Good thing I seldom eat pork chops, and I never eat $45 pork chops.
2. $12. And I’m not talking about some giant frosty monstrosity either. This pina colada was in your standard 8 oz. (6 oz.?) plastic glass. It did come with a little plastic surfboard, though, which made it a real bargain.
3. $20. I mean, $20! I went up to ask for one and was shocked when I thought the girl had mumbled that they cost $10 to rent. When she cleared her throat and told me they were $20 I told her I would float on my back. There are few things I won’t do, but paying twenty bucks to rent an inner tube that I can buy for three dollars is definitely one of them.
4. NOTHING. THEY’RE FREE. And here’s why: Anybody who has ever stayed in a hotel or motel knows that they absolutely hate it when their guests bring the room towels down to the pool. So even if they charged as little as a dime for a towel most people would say, “Screw it, get the one from the room.” That’s why.
5. 85%. OK, I made that up, but really what is it with you chicks and your bathing suit tops? If they had spent as much time fine-tuning the space shuttle as you gals spend adjusting your boobs NASA would still have a perfect safety record. No wonder the people of Europe laugh at us.
6. $45. Yeah, I couldn’t believe it either. That’s $3.75 each. Perhaps the wings were not from a chicken, but from a bald eagle?
7. $90. More on this later. Count on it.
8. NOW HOW WOULD I KNOW SOMETHING LIKE THAT? Besides, if I’m too cheap to buy a pork chop you know I won’t be coughing up any of my hard-earned bucks just for some temporary, and possibly infectious, female companionship..
9. $3. Not so bad, eh? That’s why, unlike the pork chop or the hooker, I broke down and actually bought one. (Cokes were seven cents when I was a kid.)
10. $2.10. Not that I play the penny slot machine. That’s Spike’s domain. But you can imagine how many frugal people hit the “Play Max” button and are surprised to find themselves playing over two bucks a spin on a penny machine. There’s more coming on slot machines, too. Stay tuned.