Friday, April 11, 2014

Quiz: Everything’s Archie!

I enjoyed reading comic books as a kid, but I was fairly selective. My comic book universe was pretty much limited to Superman (and Superboy,) Batman and the Green Lantern. Sure, I might deign to read a Flash or Justice League if nothing else was available, but that was about it.

Oh, and I read Archie. Now, I recently heard someone say that the Archie comics were mostly for girls, but I never agreed or even understood that premise. Archie and his pals were teenagers who drove cars, went on dates and seemed to be having all kinds of fun. This, I assumed, was the world that I had to look forward to, and I couldn’t wait.

And part of the reason I couldn’t wait was the subtle sexuality in the Archie comics. What exactly did Archie do with Veronica on all those dates? Or with Betty? Or with Veronica and Betty? And best of all, did you know that with nothing more than a pencil and a thin piece of paper you could trace the outline of Betty and/or Veronica’s ripe young body, sketch in couple of strategically placed dots for nipples, and just like that you’d have a crude facsimile of a naked woman? Well, that’s what I had heard, anyway. Ahem.

Yes, I enjoyed reading the adventures of Archie and the gang, which featured a varied and delightful array of characters that included…ho, ho! Did you think I was going to tell you who they were? Wrong, Chum. Why don’t you tell me?

1. What is Archie’s last name?
a. Anderson
b. Andrews
c. Abernathy
d. Allen

2. Which fictitious character was the inspiration for Archie?
a. Oliver Twist
b. Jack Armstrong
c. Popeye
d. Andy Hardy

3. Who sometimes refers to himself as “Mantle the Magnificent”?
a. Reggie
b. Jughead
c. Veronica
d. Moose

4. Who is the owner of The Chok’lit Shoppe?
a. Hiram Lodge
b. Jellybean Jones
c. Pop Tate
d. Professor Flutesnoot

5. What subject does Miss Grundy usually teach?
a. English
b. Math
c. Health
d. None. She’s the assistant principal.

6. What is Jughead’s actual first name?
a. Winston
b. Wyatt
c. Forsythe
d. Jughead

7. Who says “Duh” quite a bit?
a. Dilton
b. Moose
c. Coach Kleats
d. Mr. Weatherbee

8. Who was the blonde?
a. Ethel
b. Veronica
c. Betty
d. Midge

9. What is unique about Kevin Keller?
a. He is disabled.
b. He is openly gay.
c. He is dead.
d. He is in prison.

10. What year and make was Archie’s jalopy?
a. 1916 Ford Model T
b. 1922 Pierce-Arrow
c. 1930 DeSoto
d. 1934 Hudson Eight


1. Archie’s last name is ANDREWS. (He is Archi Gomez in the Spanish version.)
2. Archie creator John L. Goldwater wanted to create a comic about a normal, everyday teen and was inspired by the ANDY HARDY movies starring Mickey Rooney.
3. Such a boast could only come from Archie’s friend and sometimes rival, the sarcastic, vain and athletically gifted REGGIE Mantle.
4. The Archie gang hangs out in the Chok’lit Shoppe, which is owned and managed by POP TATE. His first name is Terry and his best customer is Jughead.
5. Miss Geraldine Grundy is usually seen teaching ENGLISH, although she has taught other subjects.
6. Archie’s good pal Jughead’s full name is FORSYTHE Pendleton Jones III. The woman-avoiding Jughead was actually named after an American hero ancestor, who also happened to be married nine times.
7. Not-too-bright MOOSE Mason is also a star athlete. And you’d better not even look at his girlfriend Midge, unless you want your ass kicked.
8. Kind-hearted and smart, BETTY Cooper is the blonde, blue-eyed girl next door. She was ranked #66 on The Comic Buyer’s Guide list of the sexiest women in comics. Her rival, the rich and spoiled Veronica, placed 87th. So there, Bitch.
9. Kevin Keller, who first appeared in 2010, is unique in the Archie universe because HE IS OPENLY GAY.  He bonded with Jughead over their mutual love of food, and became best friends with Betty. He now appears regularly in his own comic book.
10. Archie drove his bright red 1916 FORD MODEL T for decades, despite its penchant for constantly breaking down. The junker was finally destroyed I 1983, and now Archie cruises for chicks in a mid-1960’s and equally unreliable Mustang.
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